Tuesday, March 19, 2002

I am 49% Evil. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Boy are my friends going to be suprised!!!! See My amputee rant is not evil! And if I am not evil, I must be good. So my amputee rant is therefore good by default! Ahhh, now THIS opens up possibilities!!! If I am good, and my friends are evil... then I will go to heaven and they will go to hell. But I will take over heaven and invade hell. And good always triumphs over evil, so I will win. And then I will own heaven AND hell, and all shall worship me and depair or die HORRIBLY, and it is all GOOD!!!!
I realize my last post may have been a little bit harsh. The death of my cabl modem has hit me hard. So I thought of a few more things the Coatracks can do... They can be professional back scratchers! Or crochet!! My goodness, think o the implications there, they could be crochetting machines!! They can fish without poles.. just put bait on their hooks and dip their arms in... they could work as trailer hitches, using their hooks to secure chains... they could hang forever, no fingers to slip off... and they can be stored indefinitely in any closet!
Our cable modem died. Flatline. Code blue. We have been reduced to mundane dial up through our laptops. Sigh. How archiac. It is as if Einstein were forced to use stone tools. Ok, so I am cable modem Bouguise (spelling?). After having had a cable modem for 3.5 years I am spoiled. This made me think of other ways in which I am spoiled. In which I am luckier than others. It makes me think of the amputees in the world, running around with their hooks for hands. Bless their brave, stainless steel little hearts. It makes me feel good to know that there is one thing I can do that they cannot... flip people the bird! I have the ability to flip off anyone, anywhere, at any time. Woohoo!!!! But it does not end there.. I have opposable thumbs! So unlike most amputees, I can hitchhike! And I could be the Fonz for Halloween if I so chose! Let's see those hook handed bastards do THAT!! On second thought, fuck em! Screw them and their hooks!! No walking glorified coat racks for me!! I will take my hands and be spoiled anyday!!