Friday, May 10, 2002

Dentists would be so much cooler if they dressed up like circus clowns. I mean, who would you rather have coming at you with a drill, Dr. Shmeckle, or Bibbo the happy clown?
Manhole covers would probably be tasty if you used the right sauce on them.
It's windy, I like lobster, and the gerbils are sleeping.

Wednesday, May 08, 2002

I love YooHoo. I think YooHoo is the ultimate in beverages. When we were younger, Paul and I would get YooHood on occasion. It was our answer to alcohol. But just what IS YooHoo? Well lets look and find out. Ok, the ingrdeients, in order of appearance: Water. Hopefully the filtered kind, and not the stuff ducks piss in. Dairy Whey... there's a supervillain name if ever I heard one! Dairy Whey, dreaded partner of Plaid Man! High fructose corn syrup... why does the corn syrup need to be high? Can't we put it on a 12 step program and get it off the smack? Sugar... MMMMMM suuuugggggaaarrrrrrrr. Non-fat milk. Holy crap there IS milk in there!!! Corn syrup solids. How in the hell can you have solids in a liquid??!! Cocoa... main ingrdient of chocolate... MMMMMM choooooocolaaaaateee.... Soybean oil. This they put in simply for the tree huggers. Sodium Caseinate. Huh??? Tricalcium phosphate. So that's.. three calciums and a glow stick? Salt. Why did they ever stop using children for those salt mines anyway. Dipotassium phosphate. You figure it out. Xanthan gum. Is that like Rigleys? Guar Gum. Gwar put out a gum??? Mono and diglycerides. Ok, glyceride singles and couples looking to hook up. Vanillin. A much more flavorful version of penicillan. Soy lecithin. Sounds like a Magic card. Calcium ascorbate. Please tell me this is not calcium fondling itself in MY drink!! Natural flavor. Well there's a shock in this day and age! Vitamin A palmitate. Ok, vitamin A with heart problems. Niacinamide. What?? Vitamin D3.. cousin of R2D2. And Riboflavin. Hero of the chemical world. He standss tall and proud in his chemical goodness, protecting the calciums from the horror of Dairy Whey and his ilk!
And that's it. That's yoohoo. God bless it!!