Thursday, May 16, 2002

Today is Thursday, and I am wearing pants.
So my girlfriend and I went to this wedding. And there were people there. And two of them got married. And man was that parfait good.
Sport drinks are full of crap. I have yet to see ANY kind of drink do any kind of sport.
Wouldn't it be ironic if the Easy Bake Oven was invented by Germans?
I have decided to be kind to my plants. And so far this tactic has worked. They are being watered regularly, are perky, and suspect nothing. I'm not sure how long this kindness will last. Probably until I grow bored of watching them happy and content. I think I prefer them in a constant state of terror and uncertainty. Wondering not WHEN the next watering is, but IF! But really, what is more pleasing to the eye... healthy, contented, secure plants... or starving, hungry, desparate "I would suck the gelatin from your eyeballs if you came close enough" plants? I vote gelatin!
Home on the range would take on a whole new meaning if they were referring to an oven.

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

Have you ever wondered if Chewbacca sheds?
One nice thing about the rain is that it makes everything wet. And wet things, are much shinier than dry things.
Fuck oatmeal.