Wednesday, May 22, 2002

So does Chewbacca go to a barber or a dog groomer? And if the groomer, does he leave with a pretty red ribbon?
Under the heading of Strange Arena Matches, I would like to submit the following challengers: jello and pudding. This, I think, would be a most interesting match. Jello, possibly the favored to win, brings a formidable set of attrributes. Both a solid and a liquid, it can take quite a bit of punishment, while delivering powerfully solid bows. Brawny, solid, and strong, jello is a true gladiator. And then we have pudding. But let not the name fool you, pudding is no pansy. More congealed than most liquids, it is somewhat tougher. But where jello is solid and strong, pudding is quick and agile. With it's mostly liquid composition, it is capable of fast manuevering and agile acrobatics, allowing for lightning quick guerilla tactics. Truly a match worthy of the arena... brawn and toughness vs. skill and agility. Plop in a bowl of both and let the battle begin!!
Does mud scream when you bake it in the sun?

Monday, May 20, 2002

Fuck cauliflower
I like alligators. they look cool, and they eat people. What more could you want in a pet?
I believe we should have a "Decrease the Surplus Population Day", where we all gather in packs and run rampant in the streets with flame throwers burning down all we come across. There could be checkpoints with feul refill station and kill counts. Oh, and plenty of aloe.
Here are some jobs I would never like to have... fungus harvester... atomic deathray test subject... urine sample tester... leper massager... spiny sea urchin handler... tornado windspeed tester... CPR dummy... African honeybee pheromone tester...