Saturday, June 08, 2002

The smaller cactus attempted to commit suicide today, his second attempt. Ahh the young, the have no tolerance for suffering. Spoiled, that's what they are! If they don't like something, they declare it unfair. If they REALLY don't like something, and are feeling particularly pissy, and spiteful, they commit suicide. Sigh. Well apparently the younger cactus is feeling particularly pissy and spiteful today. I have planted him in a larger pot, where he will grow larger roots to prevent this sort of silliness. I feel now though, that he must be disciplined.
Having recently watch Full Metal Jacket several times, as Encore is having a love afair with that movie late at night, I have been inspired by the drill seargent. Instead of merely punishing the young cactus, I will water him regularly, and punish the rest of the lot, for I am certain they encouraged him. When he screws up from now on, they will suffer. And in time, they will kick his hairy little cactus ass into shape!
And so, we return to the evil watering schedule. And really, the evil schedule is so much more fun anyway.

Tuesday, June 04, 2002

I was watching a show on Discovery the other, the top 10 mysteries. One of which was Miracles. A skeptic had asked why God does not perform miracles where they are really needed, like Ethiopa, etc. I think this man fails to realize one basic thing about God: God is a showman. Think about it. Look at Exodus... The burning bush.. the column of fire.. the plagues... God likes to do things BIG, and he likes them to be noticed. Take the great flood, tell me THAT wasn't showing off! Bearing that in mind, why the heck would he bother with Ethiopia, no one would notice! There's no credible audience there. I think it is just a matter of time before he is performing nightly at Times Square.
How does Darth Vader go to the bathroom?
Is the Oatmeal still screaming Clarice?