Saturday, August 23, 2003

Ahhhhh.. the time has come for all of us to be social once again. To that end, I have dusted off Talisman (remember that?), Risk, Heroquest, and Star Wars Monopoly. And of course, there are always the Magic cards. So let me know if anyone is interested in doing some gaming in which we can actually include our significant others. I may even pick up Uno, as that is always a good F.U. game.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

"If I had a hammer... I'd hammer in the morining.." blah blah blah. If I had a hammer, I would run the the city smacking mimes in their big stupid heads. Because if a mime falls in the city, can anyone hear him?
In some South American or Latin American country, they take soft dough, press it onto live bugs, roll it up and eat it. It's called a delicacy. Who in the fuck came up with that???!!!
It's 11:00 PM, do you know where your left pinky is?
Al, that really sucks about your car. Hopefully they will be able to fix it quickly. And to deliver a spinal enema to the driver that hit you.
Sometimes I sit. Sometimes I stand. Sometimes I place a chainsaw in my hand. Sometimes I run. Sometimes I walk. Sometimes I take my chainsaw for a stalk. Sometimes I say yes. Sometimes I say no. Sometimes I cleave televangelists from head to toe. Sometimes I'm fast. Sometimes I'm slow. Sometimes I laugh when they scream "Oh god.. please... no!!!"
Does anyone have Roe's email address by the way?
I am 34, slowly approaching 35. And still I have not conquered the world. Nameless people living in hovels do not fear me. Billion dollar corporations are not tripping over one another to kiss my left buttock. The mass executions have not begun. Jehovah's Witnesses still sell pamphlets. People still buy them (why? WHY??!!!). And I am not typing this while sitting upon a throne made of the bones of my enemies. Life seemed so much simpler when I was 12. Grow up, rule the world, enslave millions. Every 12 year old's dream. Oh sure, the plants fear me, but come on, their vegetables. I could train the cats to fear me, but they're too cute. Hmmm.. perhaps the Homies. Of course, they are merely plastic representations of real homies, but I suppose they are a start. Yes, the homies will do. They will fear me, or be fed to the plastic Tyrannosuarus!

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

By the way, congradulations to Paul and Brenda on the little pooper. I am as always in awe of those who choose to undertake parenthood. Personally, I think my children would either spend all day running head first into walls or plotting to rule the house. In which case I would either invest in helets or electric cattle prods. But that's just me.
I think that I shall never see, a thing so lovely as a bee. A bee stinging a jerky guy, right in the middle of his freakin eye. :)
There are tall men and small men, fat men and skinny men, low men and hymen... and still toe cheese tastes terrible on crackers.
My goodness, I go away for a week and the whole world turns upside down! The East coast powers down, and Paul and Brenda make a Mini-Smith! Imagine if I had gone for 2 weeks! Aliens would have made contact and Reagan would have found his marbles! Newsflash.. Reagan finds marbles! "Wouldn't ya know it," quipped the former President, "they were behind the couch."